Honoring Our Dead

‘Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, is a Mexican holiday celebrated between October 28th and November 3rd where families honor and remember their deceased loved ones through altars, offerings, and festive gatherings. It combines indigenous traditions with Catholic elements, creating a unique celebration of life and death.’

When I first learned about Día de los Muertos some twenty-five years ago, something inside me clicked. Death was more than just grief and reverence - it was joy alongside grief, celebration alongside reverence. It showed me that death was something to befriend, which forever changed my outlook on life.

Now, I am neither Mexican nor Catholic, so some of the cultural and religious observations are not for me. However, I was able to take my appreciation for Día and create a multi-day ceremony that I look forward to every year (more on that later.) That said, I’ve come to see that honoring our dead isn’t limited to a specific time of year - it’s a transformational practice that we can incorporate into our daily lives.

For example, I honor my mom, family members, and clients who have passed by sharing their words of wisdom with others. This has been especially sweet when I share things my mom told me in regards to parenting with my friends who have children. I love that even though I don’t have (human) children, I still may have something to offer thanks to my mom.

I also keep private information private even after someone has died. If they didn’t want people knowing something while they were alive, they probably don’t want anyone knowing it when they're dead. The only exception is if they give me the green light to share it after they pass.

And I honor those who have died by letting lessons learned with them inform and nurture similar relationships. Case in point, my partner and I had a brief but heartbreaking learning curve with our first senior dog adoptee, Buddy. What we gleaned from that experience has helped us greatly in how we handle situations with our subsequent senior dogs.

I do take time in late October / early November to create an altar for those who have gone before me. In line with Día de los Muertos tradition, I set up pictures, flowers, candles and treats, and leave a nearby window slightly open to symbolize the invitation to my deceased loved ones to visit. Once my altar is set up, I sit there each night and have a ritual; I begin by ringing a bell that was my mother’s, then I look at each of my loved ones pictures in turn. I say their name out loud and let myself recall memories and stories. I also read out loud the name of each person who I’ve served at the end of their life and recall a moment with them. One of my favorite things about this ritual, and doing it multiple nights in a row, is it gives me a chance to fully feel my grief and love for them in a significant, unhurried way. And while some may think this sounds morbid or depressing, I find it both cleansing and bolstering. It reminds me that I haven’t lost them, they’re still very much with me, and that feels like a celebration.

I hope all this gets your wheels turning on how you can infuse honoring your loved ones into your life. Opportunites are everywhere! And it’s a wonderful way to live, inviting those who have gone before you into the present, letting them guide, comfort and strengthen you.